Tinglish (aka Telugu English)

Nothing tingles my spine quite like Tinglish said an unknown Tinglish writer whose greatness went unappreciated during his time. After Minglish (Marathi English), Kinglish (Kannada English), Oinglish' (Oriya English), Mallinglish (Malayalee English) and so many other versions of the language, it is only fair that Tinglish gets its due from the Tinglish reading masses all over the world. Tinglish is a vibrant and alive language and I am shoor, used widely all over the world from the North pole down to the South Pole, what with our fellow Telugu's enterprise (or Telugu fellow if you please). Go to the Arctic pole and you are shoor to find a Telugu speaking gentleman shyly smiling at you. Go to Timbuctoo and our man is likely to be in the telephone booth calling home. With such a huge and widely spread market I am naturally very upbeat about the success of 'Tinglish’.
When confronted with the idea that Tinglish ought to take its place in the Sun my friendly neighbour Mr Murthy, a Tinglish exponent if ever there was one, stuck out his tongue and said 'yeaa' in a very Telugu gesture symbolising what he said later. "Yeamundi saar, I mean, what is there saar. It is all Gaad’s grace," and he looked up skyward as if he were looking into Gaad's own face. His demeanour got me wondering if this guy was not interested in what I was talking about or if he were plainly not comprehending my drift.
Overcoming a familiar feeling when I am near fellow Telugu's, I told him that it is a great thing for Telugus to be known for their version of English and that he ought to show a bit more enthusiasm. A flustered Mishter Murthy came back strongly " Shoor; shoor, from my side I will do yaverything paasibal. It will be a sooper success," he assured my shyly. "Yin fact Telugu was proclaimed to be the sweetest language in the yentire worald by our great king Sri Krishnadevaraya, eye thinku," said he compelled to convince me of his enthusiasm for the project. "Desa bhashalandu Telugu lessa" he said grandly. Less of the lessa stuff I warned, we are into Tinglish not Telugu!
"You are correct andi," said he smiling shyly at having his grand speech put out of syllabus. "Whatever yit maybe, I yaam with you saar ," he assured. I confided to him about the crying need of the hour. "What we now was to identify some young Tinglish authors so we can get some interesting works published right away."
"Yes, yes," mused Mr. Murthy deep in thought and concluded his agreement with an explosive "Yaa." I knew that he was getting the hang of it now. "Mai daaters yinglishu maarks are yexcellent," confided Mr Murthy,"you musht see her works andi."
Was she a literature student I asked. 'Litrachar?!! no, no. Xth pyass," said he proudly and added 'firssht class."
I gingerly put forward the proposal that however precocious Ms Murthy was, we needed someone who was better qualified and probably with a little experience to put up a good show of Tinglish in the world of literature. Mr.Murthy appeared offended at my insensitivity and audacity at doubting Ms.Murthy's capabilities and said "Affcourse, misshter, Wuy will get a specilallisht only then. My cousin brother writes scripts for films," he thundered looking at me challengingly. The sight of Mr Murthy in anger got me quite worried because so far I have only seen the docile side of him yet. I meekly agreed not wanting to offend this unpredictable man any more. "That boy will come up like yanything I say," said he emphatically at having beaten me into submission. " You mussht meet him persona1ly. I told him that it would be nice indeed to meet the future king of Tinglish. The latest fillim Naa abbaku nee debba was written by our Bujjigadu," said he. I assumed that Bujjigadu was the writer in question but was not too sure anymore after hearing tbe title.
"Oh, what sooper dyelaags saar. Total double meanings, oh hoho," raved Mr Murthy. Maybe this was what the Tinglish public needed, I thought. If one could attract the sensitive intelligent Telugu movie fan, then this man was what Tinglish needed to give it a major boost.
I asked Mr Murthy what Bujjigadu's qualification was. " Arre, he is an Engineer andi and second year discontinued. Brilliant boy saar, throughout his career aalways firssht class firssht." Did he repeat his first class throughout I wondered. Why did he not complete the job I asked. 'Trazedy happened saar. His lover's father was againesht his myarriazee." Bujjigaadu apparently got his twisted and hurt soul to churn out these double meanings after such a tragic end to his wedding plans. I probed no further. "Please have your coffee andi, Hari gaaru," insisted Mr Murthy warming up and moving closer all the time I did. "By the by," asked Mr Murthy casually, "How much yamount you will give yaz advance." I looked at this chameleonesque Mr Murthy and decided that may be I could try Tinglish and save myself some trouble.
"Mishtar Murthy garu, eye think thattu, eye will only write my naaval. Talking with yoo has been very enlightening. Eye yam shoor that my naaval will make me rich like yanything. I can yeven think of giving you a free autographed copy eye say," I retorted. Mr Murthy looked on at me dumbstruck. I wafted away watching his face take upon a betrayed look as if I had stolen his birthright. Now to get a copy right before he does.